Yesterday, the 12th of January 2022, Ashling Murphy of Tullamore was murdered along a walkway in broad daylight. A man in his forties is being questioned by Gardai. This attack comes even more shocking and horrible to the people of Ireland as the attack happened on a busy path, in the middle of the day. Ashling Murphy was a primary school teacher and musician. But this story only sheds light onto the tip of the iceberg that is violence against women. The slogan, ‘She was just going for a run’ has been trending on many social media posts today, as many people, women especially, have become distraught with the realisation that none of us are safe, during the day or the night, alone or at home or simply, as it is put, ‘just going for a run’.

That is not the only slogan that has been trending, however. Have a little dive into Twitter and you will find the continued use of the phrase ‘not all men.’ To begin, I will say, of course, it is not all men. Not every man sets out his day intending to murder women. Take note, however, how I am speaking about women specifically. Since 1996, 236 women have died violently in the Republic of Ireland. Of the women that were killed, 61% were killed in their own homes, 55% were killed by a partner or ex (of the resolved cases) and almost nine in ten knew their killer, according to the UN Women’s Statistics 2019. Not all men, but enough of them. Coinciding, not every women will be murdered, but nearly all will be subject to some form of sexist abuse or harassment in their life. Not all men, but every woman has a story. A tale about being cat called, groped, followed, attacked, beaten, hit or verbally abused. Not all men, but when I see a man walking towards me on the street at night, I do not think ‘perhaps he is one of the few, perhaps he is not like most men.’ No, I think about where my keys are, if my shoes are tight enough to run in, if my phone is charged and if there is a nearby street with more people. Now, those fears follow us as women into the daylight. What we used to believe was a night-time danger, has now creeped into our everyday lives. Abuse against women is not like the boogie man; it does not go away once the sun comes up. We live with it, every second of everyday. Unfortunately, a few of us do not even get a chance to live with it for very long.

There are precautions, we can take, of course. Walk in groups, take self-defence classes, learn how to defend ourselves or how to run fast or how to hide in the shadows. But we should not need to fight or flee. We are not prey, we should be able to simply exist, to go about our lives without this animalistic need for survival. Instead of telling women to be careful, we need to raise a generation of men and boys who not only do not want to murder women but respect us. Violence against women does not start at murder; it begins with the ‘locker-room banter’, with the sexist jokes, and progresses to catcalling, sexual harassment and eventually ends with death. It is a pyramid, a tirade of subtleties that cannot be excused if we are to deal with the larger issue.

Not all men, no. But do not use that line when a woman’s life has been taken by one of the men who you say is not one of yours. It is not us against them, however. Of course, we are all humans, beings existing on the same floating rock in space. But there are historic divisions and prejudices that cannot be ignored or loved away. The issue does not disappear if you refuse to address it. It only gets worse. This is a political issue, an equality issue and, most of all, a human decency issue. We cannot love our fellow man if it is men who are murdering us.

I send my upmost condolences to Ashling’s family, to her friends, and also to the tiny people whom she used to teach who were had to be told this morning that their beloved teacher would not be coming back. I have no answers for senseless violence like this, except, perhaps, try to educate those around you on the dangers of sexism. By sharing our own stories of violence and abuse perhaps it will help us grow closer as a society. Perhaps it will one day not be the slogan ‘not all men’, but, instead , ‘no man’.