Artistic and Autistic
My name is Izzy, I am nineteen, and I was diagnosed in June last year with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). I am also a creative, I have run a young writing festival for four years and I am a spoken word poet.
None of the facts above, however, define me.
Being diagnosed with ASD came as a shock, yet explained so much. All my life I have been a little ‘odd’, stranger than most children. I have also always been painfully sensitive. Every sly glance or throw-away comment cuts deep, yet I learned to bury that side of myself. I was always told to ‘toughen up’, but for someone with ASD, I am naturally soft. My skin cannot be hardened or calcified like rainwater; I am emotional and that Is wonderful. This overload of emotion allows me to create, to write and paint. I pour what I feel into my art. If I did not feel so strongly, I would not be able to create so beautifully.
Obviously, there are many disadvantages to ASD. With the overwhelming emotions comes anxiety and depression. I have a sensitive relationship with food and body-image and can fall into black holes or a downward spiral extremely easily. For years, I begged doctors to explain to me what was wrong. As it turned out, there was nothing wrong with me, just something wrong with the way I was living for me. I would push myself too hard and not realise my limits. I would drain my social battery until I was rocking on the floor hyperventilating. I would be cruel to myself for being so gentle or emotional. This is what the world taught me to do and believe. Yet, this is not the way I thrive. I must have my alone time, my sleep, my rest and green tea and meditation. I adapted to accommodate for my different ability. Now, I express myself through art and words. I take better care of my brain as I understand her better. It is that understanding that we must all strive for. If we understood each-other, and even understood ourselves, we would all be so much kinder. Reach out to those who are a little ‘strange’ and try see the world from their point. I promise it will be beautiful.
